Readiness to Change: A Work In Progress

Change seem to go one of two ways.  Either it is super welcome, or viewed with a huge amount of suspicion and/or fear.

Me. Me, me, me, ME.

The big question seems to be: who would I BE if I changed? I see myself a certain way.  A huge part of my identity is that I see myself as "the one who gets shit done".  If I changed, what would that MEAN to WHO I AM?
Who am I if I am not HER?

BUT DOES IT REALLY CONTINUE TO SPIN?

One of my life coaches said to me "what would happen if you WERE'NT the one who "got shit done"? Would the world end?"  And of course the answer was NO.  The world wouldn't end if I didn't get shit done.  Either somebody else would pick up the slack or shit wouldn't get done. The world would continue spinning just as it is supposed to.

When you change your idea of who you are supposed to be, it allows for growth.  Not just yours, but for those around you.  Initially, your change can be awkward.  For both you and your people.

But.

By allowing other people to "get shit done" for themselves, it gives THEM an opportunity to grow, to expand their horizons, or to feel competent.  You allow THEIR energy to expand.  It is always possible they won't like it, but that is not your problem.  You cannot own other people's shit.

But I don't wanna! 

So who am I if I am not here to get shit done?  (There is no saying that I can't still DO stuff.  I can just be a little pickier about the stuff I DO do. I don't need to do everyone else's stuff.  I can allow THEM to own that.)

If I am not "THE ONE WHO GETS SHIT DONE" then who am I? Who can I be? The beauty part is I can be anybody I want to be!

I have worked out a handy dandy short little guide to help in figuring this shit out.

WHO AM I

1. Know yourself: Create a list of adjectives to describe yourself.

You're goddamn right I am! 

MY LIST: smart, funny, crazy, sensitive, tough, hard worker, adaptable, capable, compassionate, adventurous, assertive, awesome, cantankerous, cautious, condescending, grouchy, guarded, emotional, energetic, punctual, prudent, positive, suspicious, well intentioned, introspective, lazy, helpful, maternal, loving, bitchy, enthusiastic and cynical.

2. Accept and recognize that your list is always growing and changing.  What is true today is not necessarily true tomorrow.  Accept and recognize that you may be both sides of a coin.  You can be hardworking AND lazy. Nice AND bitchy.  Nobody is any one thing.  We are all works in progress.  Lord knows I can be the biggest bitch when I want to be, but I can also be the nicest.

3. Create a list of who you want to be, and a dream board of WHAT YOU WANT IN  YOUR LIFE IN YOUR FUTURE.  Alan and I created ours two weeks ago.  It sits on the wall in our office, and we periodically add to it. No, I am not going to share a picture of it here, because that is a little bit more personal sharing than I want to do, at least at the moment. Either way, WORK TOWARDS THOSE THINGS YOU WANT.  Even if it is babysteps.  There is no time limit to this. As Alan said to me today, you might take one step back to take two steps forward.

I am a work in progress.  Always.  Key word: PROGRESS

4. Create a list of things that you enjoy doing.
MY LIST: I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.  Well, not really.  Makes my hair frizz.

yes this is really me and my hair.

Ok, so really, in no particular order:
Painting, eating, cooking, walking, spending time with friends, reading, facebook, writing, reno, sleeping, dreaming, travel, being creative in general (which takes  a lot of forms), singing (not that I do it well, but what the hell. I still sing), gymnastics, yoga, making people laugh, martial arts, facebook, animals, baking, being outdoors. Did I mention Facebook? That's about all I can think of, off the top of my head.

4. Try and expand your horizons by doing SOMETHING that encompasses the things that you love that will enable you to grow.  See if you can't broaden your list of adjectives about yourself.  One of my plans is to take a writing course.  I really enjoy writing, and am definitely trying to grow by writing. Sharing PERSONAL stuff is extremely difficult for me, and I am completely stepping outside of my comfort zone by sharing.  I watch other people do it, and it seems so easy.  BELIEVE ME when I say it's not.  It's fucking hard.  

5. Keep working at it. Nobody gets better overnight.  You have to practice.

Society has conditioned us to think that being LIKED is important.  It's not.  Being RESPECTED is much more important.  What is MOST important though, is respecting OURSELVES.    By working on my own personal growth, I feel like I am respecting myself more.  I am trying to figure out who I really am, by my own definitions and not by what OTHER people think of me.

I am a work in progress.

Top Ten Things I Take Away From Free People World Retreat

This month I went to an incredible and life changing retreat. I don't use those words lightly, but that really is what it was. When trying to explain it to different people, I sometimes get blocked based on what I feel their expectations of the retreat are. The easiest way for me to describe it to those who don't really jive with the "self help lifestyle" is this: It sounds a lot like hippy dippy bullshit, but it fucking WORKS. As silly as some of it sounds, it ACTUALLY WORKS. You really set your intentions out there, into the universe, into the ether, and you focus. This trip has helped me to focus my ideas and to, for lack of a better word, focus my focus.

 The whole thing came about in a truly serendipitous way. I had been following Kristy Sinsara for a number of years based on a blog post she wrote  - The top 10 Rules for Marriage. It had some how come across my news feed and it really resonated with me. Many of the things in this article were things that Alan and I did naturally, and often consciously. I often mused that I learned from other people's mistakes. The only one I didn't fully agree with was the bubble concept, so something moved me to email Kristy and discuss it with her. That was the beginning of our facebook friendship. Fast forward a couple of years and I was going to start writing for Kristy's new magazine, Level Magazine, as her food columnist. It didn't end up working out, and fast forward a couple more years. Kristy started Free People World which she was promoting on her facebook site. I had looked at it and thought it sounded great, but that I couldn't afford it. Soon after that, some kind and generous person offered to donate 3 spots for 3 deserving people. It was at that moment that I said to myself "I am going to be one of those three people". I sent Kristy an email explaining why I thought I deserved the scholarship. I also encouraged my husband Alan to apply. In my mind, I had decided that we were GOING ON THIS TRIP. That's all there was too it. We were going. And sure enough, our submissions were accepted, I booked our flight, and off we flew.

Waiting in comfort in JFK for our flight to Puerto Rico

I had spent so much time over the last year trying to figure out where exactly I wanted to be and how to get there. The way I was going about it was somewhat futile as I ended feeling like each limb was being pulled in a different direction.There was no focus. I was scattered. I suffered from analysis paralysis. I had some great ideas for a lot of different things but actually finding a path was scary and difficult. Now I feel that even if the path is there but covered in weeds I have a machete and know how to use it. Some things are a lot clearer to me, too. Even the things that aren't fully clear... I trust that I can take the next step and know the destination is out there, I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust in the trek.

facing the future together

 It's not like these are new concepts to me. Sometimes you just need to hear them over and over again, or said it a different way, for them to click within you. This was one of those times where everything seemed to click. For myself and the other 27 people on the trip. That can't be a coincidence. Each one of us walked away from this retreat feeling as though we had some massive resolution within ourselves to plunge forward and JUST FUCKING DO IT, whatever IT was.

Living with somebody who really is a creative genius and thinks outside of the box has a lot of challenges but also gives so many gifts that by FAR outweigh any negatives. Even when I totally don't get what he is thinking and he drives me insane. Whenever I am describing to somebody how we each solve problems I put it to them like this: I go from point A to point B. Alan goes from point A to point Q to #7 to the colour purple to point B. It's just how his mind works. The thing that sometimes kills me is when he gets to point B quicker than I do. I don't freaking understand it. At all; but now I marvel at it, and try and see his reasoning. What shocks me is often how much sense it makes, in a bizarre way. I use it as an opportunity to grow and expand my horizons.

 A perfect example of Alan's creative geniosity is the pic above, of us at JFK. Our flight left Toronto at 6a.m, which meant we had to be up at 3a.m. Which mean we got zero sleep. We had a 5-6 hour layover en route to Puerto Rico in New York. Alan thought it would be a GREAT idea to bring our blow up vaginas (that's what we call them for lack of a better word, and C'MON, just LOOK at them!) in our carry ons. We set them up and were able to catch a COMFY 5 hours sleep during our layover. It was GLORIOUS. People kept popping by and asking us questions about them. If you are interested in buying one, let me know and I will point you in the right direction. Whatever you do, do NOT google "blow up vagina". Also, don't buy one in pink. That would just be wrong).

ANYWAY...We are implementing some of the things we learned and the feelings we carried back into our daily life. Every morning we are getting up early and meditating. We are doing yoga. We are working one step at a time towards our future and seeking abundance.

learning social media marketing from Kristy in the Caribbean Sea. 

 One of the biggest things I learned from this trip to was to let go of the idea of who I think I am. I have always seen myself as the person who DOES WHAT NEEDS TO GET DONE. It was a big part of my identity and my pride. One of the life coaches, Julia Junkin, said to me "What would happen if you DIDN'T do what needed to get done? Would the world end?" and of course the answer was "No, of course not." The world will continue spinning and shit gets done without me. This particular task, whatever it may be, would either get done or it wouldn't, but the world wouldn't end. What it *might* do though, is allow another person to feel a sense of accomplishment, to be the one who "gets shit done". It could let them believe in themselves and that they are worthy and capable human beings. This is something that we as parents do all the time to our children. "Don't worry honey, I've got it." We rob our kids of learning how to GET SHIT DONE because we do it for them. We reinforce their quiet believe that they CAN'T DO THIS and that THEY ARE NOT CAPABLE. By getting shit done that they could do we ROB them of their energy, their capability, and THEIR BELIEF IN THEMSELVES. We don't just do this with kids, we do it with LOTS of people. Our siblings. Our bosses. Our employees. Our parents. Our friends. SO.

Here is what I have taken away from Free People World. My top 10 list.
1. Gratitude is ALWAYS the attitude. The more you give thanks for, the more you HAVE to give thanks for.

 2. Hippy Dippy Bullshit WORKS if you just open your mind to it and BELIEVE.

 3. I don't have to always be the one who gets shit done. I CAN let others do it.

 4. I don't have to own other people's shit, nor do I want to. I can mindfully RETURN TO SENDER and just think to myself "not my bag of tarantulas, not my jungle".

Please and thanks! 

5. Analysis paralysis is ridiculous. What is there to be afraid of, honestly? If I make a mistake the world will not end. If I fuck up, I fuck up. I will have just found a new way NOT to do something, which makes me one step closer to reaching my goal. Like Thomas Edison said: “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” I can just knock one of those off my list and learn from it. Even if it costs me a few bucks. It's just money. You can ALWAYS make more money.

 6. Bioluminescence is a magical, magical thing. We swam in the bioluminescent water and it was like swimming in a galaxy that surrounded you and held you afloat.

Found this photo on https://www.myvacationpages.com/details/bio-island

7. Set your intentions every day. If you feel strong and centered, NOBODY can take that away from you.

8. Coconut mojitos are fucking DELICIOUS.

9. People are ALWAYS going to judge you. You can't help that. PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU. It's is what they DO. If they are going to judge you, they may as well judge the REAL you. I don't give a shit what people think of me, generally speaking. I think I am an awesome and funny person.

had to include this as somebody has made a cartoon of ME

10. Everybody is going through some internal battle. EVERYONE. Every. Single Person you meet is going through something that has shaped them and caused them to behave the way they do, whether it be good or bad. Just remember rule #4, and strive for kindness.

 If you have ever felt broken, or in need of a mental tune up, this retreat is for you. You just have to BELIEVE.

Our new Tribe          

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