Readiness to Change: A Work In Progress

Change seem to go one of two ways.  Either it is super welcome, or viewed with a huge amount of suspicion and/or fear.

Me. Me, me, me, ME.

The big question seems to be: who would I BE if I changed? I see myself a certain way.  A huge part of my identity is that I see myself as "the one who gets shit done".  If I changed, what would that MEAN to WHO I AM?
Who am I if I am not HER?

BUT DOES IT REALLY CONTINUE TO SPIN?

One of my life coaches said to me "what would happen if you WERE'NT the one who "got shit done"? Would the world end?"  And of course the answer was NO.  The world wouldn't end if I didn't get shit done.  Either somebody else would pick up the slack or shit wouldn't get done. The world would continue spinning just as it is supposed to.

When you change your idea of who you are supposed to be, it allows for growth.  Not just yours, but for those around you.  Initially, your change can be awkward.  For both you and your people.

But.

By allowing other people to "get shit done" for themselves, it gives THEM an opportunity to grow, to expand their horizons, or to feel competent.  You allow THEIR energy to expand.  It is always possible they won't like it, but that is not your problem.  You cannot own other people's shit.

But I don't wanna! 

So who am I if I am not here to get shit done?  (There is no saying that I can't still DO stuff.  I can just be a little pickier about the stuff I DO do. I don't need to do everyone else's stuff.  I can allow THEM to own that.)

If I am not "THE ONE WHO GETS SHIT DONE" then who am I? Who can I be? The beauty part is I can be anybody I want to be!

I have worked out a handy dandy short little guide to help in figuring this shit out.

WHO AM I

1. Know yourself: Create a list of adjectives to describe yourself.

You're goddamn right I am! 

MY LIST: smart, funny, crazy, sensitive, tough, hard worker, adaptable, capable, compassionate, adventurous, assertive, awesome, cantankerous, cautious, condescending, grouchy, guarded, emotional, energetic, punctual, prudent, positive, suspicious, well intentioned, introspective, lazy, helpful, maternal, loving, bitchy, enthusiastic and cynical.

2. Accept and recognize that your list is always growing and changing.  What is true today is not necessarily true tomorrow.  Accept and recognize that you may be both sides of a coin.  You can be hardworking AND lazy. Nice AND bitchy.  Nobody is any one thing.  We are all works in progress.  Lord knows I can be the biggest bitch when I want to be, but I can also be the nicest.

3. Create a list of who you want to be, and a dream board of WHAT YOU WANT IN  YOUR LIFE IN YOUR FUTURE.  Alan and I created ours two weeks ago.  It sits on the wall in our office, and we periodically add to it. No, I am not going to share a picture of it here, because that is a little bit more personal sharing than I want to do, at least at the moment. Either way, WORK TOWARDS THOSE THINGS YOU WANT.  Even if it is babysteps.  There is no time limit to this. As Alan said to me today, you might take one step back to take two steps forward.

I am a work in progress.  Always.  Key word: PROGRESS

4. Create a list of things that you enjoy doing.
MY LIST: I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.  Well, not really.  Makes my hair frizz.

yes this is really me and my hair.

Ok, so really, in no particular order:
Painting, eating, cooking, walking, spending time with friends, reading, facebook, writing, reno, sleeping, dreaming, travel, being creative in general (which takes  a lot of forms), singing (not that I do it well, but what the hell. I still sing), gymnastics, yoga, making people laugh, martial arts, facebook, animals, baking, being outdoors. Did I mention Facebook? That's about all I can think of, off the top of my head.

4. Try and expand your horizons by doing SOMETHING that encompasses the things that you love that will enable you to grow.  See if you can't broaden your list of adjectives about yourself.  One of my plans is to take a writing course.  I really enjoy writing, and am definitely trying to grow by writing. Sharing PERSONAL stuff is extremely difficult for me, and I am completely stepping outside of my comfort zone by sharing.  I watch other people do it, and it seems so easy.  BELIEVE ME when I say it's not.  It's fucking hard.  

5. Keep working at it. Nobody gets better overnight.  You have to practice.

Society has conditioned us to think that being LIKED is important.  It's not.  Being RESPECTED is much more important.  What is MOST important though, is respecting OURSELVES.    By working on my own personal growth, I feel like I am respecting myself more.  I am trying to figure out who I really am, by my own definitions and not by what OTHER people think of me.

I am a work in progress.