Trust, Ryan Reynolds, Porn Logic and the Facebook Mommies

I am involved in a lot of online Facebook mommy groups, which I have a love/hate relationship with.  These groups can be both amazing places  of friendship, camaraderie and information or horrible, demoralizing shitholes of doubt, pity, anger and fear.   I have come to the conclusion that no matter what somebody posts, there will ALWAYS be a dissenter (or many) within the group, and these keyboard warriors have LOTS to say.
"it's a beautiful day!" "what are you, fucked? It's way too hot/cold/wet/blue/clear/dirty/fuckedup.."

Recently, in one of my groups, a woman was posting that she would be extremely uncomfortable with her husband being alone with another woman in their house, and not allow it. This made me so sad.  Not just because of this statement and all that it implies, but also because of all the people who were agreeing with her.  Some even went on to say they would not be ok with their husband having a female friend, (and vice versa - husband not ok with the wife having a male friend).  I just don't get this.  To me it just  SCREAMS of insecurity.  Either you trust your spouse or you don't.  It's that simple. And if you DON'T trust your spouse, that's a whole other kettle of fish!

I just don't get this shit.  If you can't trust your spouse why are you with them? Isn't the foundation of a relationship all about the trust?  Trust issues are usually brought about by people who have honesty issues.  My friend Teresa says about these women "She is not relationship material. At all. She has underlying issues that she's brought into the relationship. Insecure people really are not marriage, common law or roommate ready".  I can't say I disagree.  And this goes for both men and women.

Not only does it not speak well of your relationship if you can't trust your dude to not bang somebody just because they are alone with a woman, it paints a whole Jezebel vibe about every woman being so uncontrollable that they can't wait to jump on your man.  Seriously, just because a man and a woman are alone doesn't mean "cue porn music, bow chicka wow wow!"

These men also can't think much of their women if they believe that a male friend doing a weenie wag is going to cause their wife to dramatically (and immediately) spread their legs and scream "Take me now!"  Proximity to a vagina isn't going to make him cheat, just as my being around someone with a penis isn't going to make me Little Miss Roundheels. Unless it's like...Ryan Reynolds or something.  That's a different story, and my husband understands! (Kidding.  Really).

A,B,C,D,E,F,Geeeeeeeeeeeee you are quite delicious.

If somebody is going to cheat, they are going to find a way to do it.  Policing them will not get you the desired effect, nor will it be real fidelity or trust, because as soon as they have the opportunity, they will take it.   People who are happy, fulfilled and respected with themselves and in their relationship do not cheat.  While there may be the oddball who fits this mold and still cheats, I think it is generally rare.

I haven't even touched on the idea of LETTING your husband be friends with a woman.  Or do anything.  Who are you to ALLOW or NOT ALLOW another adult to do something? You are not their mother, their keeper or their jailer.  You are their friend, spouse and love.  I would not let anybody dictate to me what I can or cannot do. I would expect that if my husband had an issue with something, he would DISCUSS IT with me LIKE AN ADULT.

I've had a number of people ask me why this bothers me so much..  They say that if somebody is happy with the dynamic in their relationship, who am I to judge?  Of course, who AM I to judge this, or anything else? It's a good question, and I have been analyzing my feelings about this.  I think it bothers me so much because of the misogyny from both women AND men, and the stereotyping of women as whores and men as studs.  It is further slut shaming.  It ALSO bothers me because these relationships are built on a foundation of mistrust and the feeling of ownership.

I guess I am a slut.  

What are YOUR thoughts on this? I am happy to continue to discuss this like the mature adults we profess to be.  Drop me a line at themanagementdfh@gmail.com